Carol and I wanted to write a relationship post together; tag team. Before we married, we would discuss the s-word…SUBMIT. We both did not know how to approach it or handle it. We turned to the Bible and it says “wives submit to your own husbands” (Ephesians 5:22). Carol and many other women thought of it as I (the husband) could tell her to do something and she must do it. So naturally she was not about that life. Lol. I thought it was important for my wife to listen to me and to do what i said. Now before you ladies go off Lol let’s explain it a little more.
Marcus is right. I actually thought that submitting meant he could rightfully control me. Though we learned about what submission was before marriage (thanks to an awesome marriage small group at Cathedral of Praise) it really did not come into play until we said “I do.” After the wedding was when I had to put submission into practice. From what I had seen in other marriages, I thought that the wife just did everything he wanted and almost lost herself in him. As if I could not be an individual. BUT that was not my personality! I vowed to never be that weak wife, and that is where submission became hard for me. I did not want to be on one extreme (weak), but it pushed me to the other extreme (defiant). If I just went to the middle of the two extremes, I believe I would have understood that Marcus was not trying to control me nor was I to lose myself in his identity.
Ephesians 5:22-24 says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”
We both had to find out what submission really meant and not just a definition of control that others expressed. Ephesians 5:33 states, “Nevertheless, each individual among you is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Wow, that was the missing key. Carol was and is looking for love from me, she needs it. I am looking for and need respect from her. Until that moment we could not pinpoint it. When I love Carol as myself, I put Jesus first in all we do. I put her needs and concerns before my own, I protect her, and I do not throw her under the bus in any situation. I also cover her, even if she slips or falls. I Love Her!!! As I do that, she is willing to let her guard down and let me lead her because she knows that my leader is Jesus Christ. She submits to me because of such. In return, she respects me. Respect is a key need that every man no matter how old or young needs. She submits. I submit to her as well and we sacrifice for one another.
Once done God’s way, submission is a wonderful thing and leads to many blessings and unity. Keep in mind, one must be willing to submit and that submission is earned, not commanded. Has submitting been an issue for you?
Marcus & Carol