Don’t Waste Your Single Years

I don’t want to hurt his feelings, so I will stay.

I don’t know what he’ll do if I leave him.

He is sensitive and leaving him could leave him messed up emotionally. red rose gray backgroundHave you been pondering on those statements lately? If so, let’s get to the root of the issue. Let me share a little about my past because I too toyed with those same statements.  My senior year of college I felt that I was getting old (I was only 22 years old) and I begin to think that I would never find the right guy and get married. First mistake was thinking that I had to be married at a  certain age. Second mistake was choosing to settle with a guy that I was not even physically attracted to, let alone his relationship with Christ was not evident. I thought that my criteria for  a mate was far -stretched. I finally decided that I would date the guy, and let me just say it was one of the worst decisions of my life.  I began to pull away from family and friends, and became more isolated. It was not that he forced me to, I felt so much guilt and condemnation from being in the relationship. I also didn’t want to let others know who I was dating because I didn’t consider him attractive. While in that relationship, my walk with Christ became dimmer and dimmer. I was literally running away from Christ, but it was also like I knew Christ was always there. There was  time that I decided I was going to end the relationship, but for some reason (I don’t really remember now) I chose not to. I do remember thinking to myself that I was not sure what he would do if I left him. My entire personality changed and I was no longer the fun person to be around. It’s like my sense of humor went away and I was always entertaining negative thoughts. I was always stressed out and when I stressed out, I turned to food. I went from being a size 3 to a size 11.  I confided in no one and lived in a back-slidden state. The entire time it was like, I wanted Christ but the cares of this world was too great. My parents would ask me if I loved the guy and I would say “No, I don’t think I can say that.” Seriously if you can depict a person being pulled upon by two opposing forces (tug of war), I would say that’s what it looked like in my life. I called myself a Christian but I had allowed a relationship that should have never been, to drag me away from my loving Father God. No, it’s not about blaming the other person, it’s my own fault that I stayed in that mess. If you are in a relationship, and you know that you both are not living your lives according to the Scriptures…end it! But if you are married, you must consider the cost since you married someone of a different belief. Dating and engaged couples, DONT settle and DONT waste any more of the precious time that God has given you this side of heaven. You can’t be about God’s business if you are wasting His time with foolishness. Your relationships should have a foundation on God’s word. Basically, you know that God says sexual immorality is a sin…then why are you shacking up and having sex with a man that is not your husband. Stop defiling your marriage bed, repent, and turn back to God. Loneliness should not be your focus in your singlehood. You should be busy about the Father’s work and stop focusing on your relationship status. Marriage is not a cure all! Its work and don’t think that everyone that is married is happy all the time. Some would rather be in your shoes. But when you choose to honor God with your life and end all such relationships and connections, it will be like a weight was lifted and you will feel refreshed. During those times, ask God to feel any void with His presence, don’t answer the phone calls, block the emails and calls if you have to, change the locks, take back your 2nd car key, send him/her packing, and don’t play the pity party songs. Get your butt up, get involved in your church (and NO it does not have to be the singles ministry), read your Bible, pray to God, and seek Him. When you are doing His ways, you will be in His will!  Now get up and handle your business 🙂

Love,

Carol

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