There are many of you who are single out there and you think about marriage ALL the time. You may ask how would I know??….umm because I used to be single too! I can remember those nights that seemed to be long and lonely. It was like everyone else was in a committed relationship, getting engaged, or getting married. It felt like marriage would NEVER come for me.I want to take you back to a period during my undergrad years between 2002 and 2003. That seemed to be a very dark period in my life because I was away from family and those who I considered friends had either stopped talking to me or we just drifted apart. I was basically a loner. I went to class, went to work, and back to my apt (which was ALL I did Monday through Friday). I think I called my mom literally every day because I did not have anyone to talk to.
Well, there was this guy who had been interested in me for a while but the feelings were not mutual. He just was not my type in any area (physically, socially, etc). We were conversing on the phone…for me it was just to talk to someone. Basically it felt like it was filling a void because I did not have anyone else to talk to (besides my mom). I thought to myself one day… “I’m getting old (I was only 21 or 22 and apparently ignorant), no one else wants me, I’m not pretty enough, smart enough… (basically receiving the lies the enemy was feeding me) and so I might as well date this guy cause at least he seems to want me.”
What the crap?! Has anyone else been there before? Have any of you thought that you were not good enough to have someone that was the TOTAL package for you? If so, STOP IT right now! You are good enough, you are beautiful, you are smart, you’re not too old, and you ARE definitely too good to settle for what you don’t desire!
So we started dating…which was basically a train wreck, but also a lesson learned. I started turning my back on God, stopped talking to my family…it was as if my whole personality changed. I was no longer that Carol that liked to joke around. I was serious most of the time and treated that guy as if he was my husband. So I basically was cheating on my HUSBAND (the man who God already knew I would choose), with some guy. I seriously believe that the relationship was one that was a set up from the enemy…Satan. Remember, John 10:10 states that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. My life was gradually declining and I knew that I was not living how I should have. Even while I was in the relationship, I knew I did not like him yet the longer I stayed, the more obligated I felt to stay. Ladies or men, have you ever felt obligated to stay in a relationship because you had been with that person for so long…you did not want to be alone…or you felt like if you left they would flip out on you? If you are feeling that way…PLEASE END IT NOW! You are worth so much more than that. Do you know there is a God waiting for you with open arms for you to receive his unfailing and unconditional love? He promises to never leave you nor forsake you.
Here’s my advice: End any and every relationship that is pulling you away from our Savior, Jesus Christ because it’s a set up for your life to be ultimately destroyed. Start back reading in your Bible and ask God for wisdom, understanding and clarity in every area of your life. Get involved with your church (attend a church that is preaching the unadulterated Word). Seek friendships with godly people of the same sex, that way you can have accountability partners. Set boundaries in every relationship and continue to wait on God.
Ladies: It’s he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor of the Lord (Proverbs 18:22), so let him find you and you choose him.
Men: You find her, don’t let her pursue you.
Both: Seek God and allow Him to guide your choices and every area of your lives.
Look out for the post where I share about the husband that I almost let get away because of my past relationships! Everyone’s story may not be the same, but do know that you can be married to someone that you are attracted to in every way…So STOP settling and get your FOCUS on GOD!